nothin's scarier than a blank page

25 May 2011


I think my allergy medicine is inducing small manic spirals.  Yesterday, my brain was bouncing off the walls, and today I feel like hell.  I'm currently wrapped up in a blanket, trying to suffocate the feeling that I need to burst into tears.  Mind you, I'm not sad.  I'm foggy and slow, but I'm not sad.  I do, however, have a lot of physical sensations of depression.  It's very strange, unsettling, and uncomfortable.

I used to take allergy medicine 24/7.  I'm allergic to everything.  There's a small window in, like, January, when no seasonal allergies are on the calendar.  In addition, during my roller derby years, I was allergic to the mold (or something) at the rink where we practiced.  Plus, I had a cat, to which I was allergic.  The rink and the cat aggravated my seasonal allergies, and I was a mess without my drugs.

I imagine my house has some allergy problems in it now, like dust clinging to all of the clutter, but for the most part, I was okay without allergy medicine for the winter.  I like to take the least amount of daily drugs as possible (to save my poor stomach lining), so I was happy to stop taking allergy medicine for a while.  Summer/Fall is super rough on me, so I knew I could be off of them forever.  When I started back this week, I did 12 hr pills instead of 24 hr.

It's a rough ride.

I'm wondering if the speed-factor in my allergy medicine is fucking up my seratonin.  I'm wondering how I could have functioned when I was zooming on it 24/7, 365.

I took it again today, and I'm gonna alter a few other variables (like, oh, remembering to eat...) and see if that changes anything.  I sure hope so, 'cos I'm not sure what other option I have for dueling allergies, other than living in an a/c bubble for two months out of the year.

Back in college, I remember when my allergies were less intense, but still pretty damn bad.  My hair was super long.  Every time I entered my house, I stuck my head in the sink.  Wetting down my hair trapped the pollen that got stuck in there just from me walking a few blocks to campus.  Sheesh.

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