nothin's scarier than a blank page

31 August 2011

Prez likes LOST fans more than America!

Obama announced the date of his long-awaited "jobs" speech...  and it's the same as the upcoming Republican debate.  When LOST fans freaked out that the SOTU might interrupt the final season premier, the WH worked around it.  Incredible.

Furthermore, it will not be a speech he gives to America.  He will be delivering a speech to Congress, and the event will be televised.  Says Obama:
"As I have traveled across our country this summer and spoken with our fellow Americans, I have heard a consistent message: Washington needs to put aside politics and start making decisions based on what is best for our country and not what is best for each of our parties in order to grow the economy and create jobs....  We must answer this call."
Mr. Obama, you said that wrong.  I'll fix it for you.
"As I have traveled to three Midwest towns (and vacationed at Martha's Vineyard) this summer and spoken with prearranged Midwestern audiences and 'corporate jet owners' in Massachusetts, I have heard myself giving a consistent message, in which I try to dodge responsibility for my failed presidency by blaming the bipartisan climate that my politicking created.  My butt in the presidential throne is the most important thing for this country, so I hope that my reminding Congress and the country that the two sides of the aisle hate each other will somehow shadow the fact that I have created this situation.  When I made the decision to put my non-jobs jobs speech (that is about jobs rather than giving a plan for jobs) atop the Republican debate, I wasn't thinking in a bipartisan manner.  Not one bit.  I was thinking about how Republicans are jerks who won't let me bankrupt the country into a fundamental transformation, so it's okay to schedule a speech that messes with them, 'cos it's only messsing with the Republicans.  I mean, I don't really WANT to mess up Rick Perry's debate debute (especially because Rick Perry will be soooo easy to beat, HAHAHA), nor do I want to mess up TV and stuff.  But the main people who get fucked here are Republicans.  And who cares about them?  I have to focus on BIPARTISAN stuff, like forcing more regulations on likely Republican voters.  And also, when is the second September Republican debate?  'Cos I think I'll have another not-jobs jobs speech to give around that time, too..."