LIVEBLOG: *THIS*... is American Idol (Finale, part one)

(note: see pre-blog here.)

This is my take on a Live Blog.  I type while I watch.  Currently, I'm w/o DVR, so that means no pause-button.

Footage of fetus Carrie Underwood singing that Somewhere mouse song.
Footage of a young David Cook
Footage of a young Laure Alaina
Footage of Scotty promoting American Idol, age 5.

THIS is American Idol.

Crap,  My cable just fucked up.  Static, picture/sound coming in and out.  If it continues, this will become incredibly difficult.  Seriously?  That's gotta happen tonight?

Tons of screaming girls with bright poster board.
Seacrest: There's gotta be some way I can make this exciting, so I guess I'll say... youngest match up ever!
Finalists take the stage.  Seacrest addresses rumor that Lauren has a sore throat.  Some expert guy comes on stage, says she was singing SO HARD during rehearsal that she's in danger now.  UH HUH.  Seacrest checks in with Scotty, who is "doing great".

round one: favorite song from the season
round two: past idol pick?

Carrie Underwood picks for Lauren

Someone? picks for Scotty

round three: the worst song ever.  i think it's the song written for the contestant to be the first single for that person, should they win.  woo!  so it's gonna be all "I'm going to Disneyland!" when the Idol winner sings at the end of tomorrow night's show.  (They still do that, right?  I can't remember who the last winner was, and I have no idea if I watched it. I know I took a break for awhile, but I have NO idea when that was.  I don't know if that says more about the show or me.)

Scotty up first.
I have no idea what this song is, but I remember him singing it.  Gone something?  He's wearing a leather jacket and walking around the stage.  It's boring to watch, unless you're into him, which apparently tons of screaming teen girls are.  It's just typical Scotty.  Eyebrows, face tweaks.  (This is more fun to recap earlier on in the competition, I think.)  He does a bat-swing with the microphone at the end.

What, no comments from judges?  WTF.

COMMERCIAL
My TV is now totally junky.  GREAAAAT.  I'll hang in there fer now, tho.

Lauren up.  I bet she picks that build it anyways song.  Oh, no.  "Head down low don't knock on my door..."  She sings like she knows she's not gonna win. I have no idea what song this is, but okay.  I feel like I'm watching the 2012 election results.  Lauren's hair is super weird tonight.  Big, but flat and floppy.  At the same time.  Is that possible?

Seacreast blah blahs and hugs Lauren.
Seacrsest: It's okay, Sweetie.  At least you made it this far.  And don't think about Pia, who is rumored to have a single out already.  I mean, you're only SIXTEEN.


COMMERCIAL.
check in from twitter.  America is still stupid.

Seacrest reminds us that we can download shit that's being sung tonight.

Round two, Scotty up!
My screen's still messy, so I can't say much about this song.  His shirt looks like hot pink flannel, but I think it's just red.  His face is out of control with Scotty-faces.  I wonder if he practices those in the mirror.  God, I hate this guy.  Oh!  "Check yes or no" is a song lyric.  If you know anything about country music, maybe that'll help you identify it.  Scotty's playin guitar, btw.

Seacrest: babble
COMMERCIAL

Man!  They're really zooming through this shit.  Not quite what I expected it would be, from the typing end, but okay.  I guess it works when the cable's fucked up.

Wait a minute. *checking the guide* it's only an hour show?  WHA?  I thought both tonight and tomorrow were two hour shows.  I wonder if I'm just totally remembering tradition wrong or if they changed shit this year.

Note: so far, the judges haven't said a word.  It's a country concert, hosted by Seacrest.
Oprah Goodbye commercial playing right now.  Makes me think about how Beck is the new Oprah, and what that means about America.

NANNANAANa, Seacest: Welcome back!
Carrie Underwood picks Lauren's song, but I don't catch the title.  She starts out perched on a stool in a dress that makes her look like a marionette.  She sounds like she's finally gettin' into it.  It took someone else picking a song for her to get her into it?  That's saying something.  I'm still stunned she didn't pick that build it anyways song in round one.

Tons of applause.

Scotty comes on stage.  Judges speak.  YAY.  At least this should be fun... right?  This show feels like a confetti store.

Randy:  America, you chose these two. You get what you get.  It's so hard to pick, y'all.  Scotty, you are both good and good.  Lauren, you are both good and pretty good.  (Pam Tillis!  That was her round 2 song.)
Round one to Scotty, two to Lauren.

JLo: Scotty nailed it in round one.  Lauren took round two (?  TV blocked it out.)

Steven: Lauren is prettier than Scotty.  I like pretty things. I am hot and awesome.

Randy:  IN IT TO WIN IT!!!  I just wanted to say that again!!

Coke had a song writing contest.  Tyo Cruise?  Wha?

Weird, tall action figures with drums and electric sticks walking on the stage.  Singer has sunglasses.  God, it pisses me off when performers hide their eyes like that.  Smoke on stage.  chorus: Positive.  Hey, gonna be positive (repeat again and again).  Well, I guess we really are out of the age of AIDS being scary.

These lyrics were written to be a commercial.  Good thing the song was written to sell a product.  Why they had to stage a live performance of that bland nonsense?  No fucking idea.

COMMERCIAL
twitter tells me that TAIO CRUZ sang the coke song.  Is that someone?  Should I know who that is?  twitterites agree that he and the song sucked.  I want to say that he's somehow connected to Black Eyed Peas, but I think that's just because the background drummer peeps reminded me of the Superbowl halftime fiasco.

WELCOME BACK!  It also appears that my TV has cleared up.  Finally.

Iovine, for the first time.
Jimmy Iovine:  Your song is perfect for you (Scotty).  It's big and you're big and wahoo.  If he plays it right tonight, "there's no reason the confetti won't fall on him."  Um, isn't this entire show confetti falling on him?

I miss Casey.  sigh.

Scotty sings.  This was written for him and his teen fan base.  Gawd.  Chorus "I love you this big".  Seriously?  (Arms waving in crowd, in sync w song.  Seriously?)  Chord change to emphasize drama.  SERIOUSLY?  He's in a suit, w just a microphone.  (Oh, and now fog.)  They do few face shots, which I find surprising.  Don't they want us to see his insincere wink and carefully practiced eyebrow raise?

Judges!  Yay!

Randy:  Blahing about I don't know if this is the right song for you...", but you are in it to win it!.  He subtly insults JImmy Iovine, which is pretty fuckin sweet.

J Lo: I missed it while I was laughing about Randy, who, btw, said "in it to win it" again.  What is the point of the judges now?  Are they telling the contestants what to do better or what they did wrong?  NO.  (Not that they did that before...)  Even still, this is way fuckin boring, and more time with the judges might help.
Steven: some basketball metaphor.  You did great, honey, but I'm pretty sure the I didn't sign up for Country Idol.

Back to Scotty
Scotty: Never in my wildest dreams...
Seacrest: You're so chill
Scotty: I dunno.  Am I?  Are they buying it?  


COMMERCIALS!!
Is it weird or totally appropriate for The X Factor to advertise here?

We're back in front of 7000 fans while Seacrest stands behind the judges.

Lauren.
Iovine:  "The lyrics of this song capture her journey."  Also, this song appears to be all about mothers.

Lauren wears a white dress.  A weird open-mouthed pic of Lauren is on the back screen.  They coulda picked something better.  Chorus:"When I ____, like my mother does".  Lauren is phoning it in except for the money shot notes.  This is annoying.  I *want* her to do well.  I don't want her to win (I don't want either of them to win), but I want her to at least fight for it.  She saunters to the audience. Presumably dances with Mom.  and... *SCENE*  Applause.  Not a standing ovation.  I feel uncomfortable.  Lauren looks confused and teary, as usual.

Randy: This song was your journey.  THAT WAS AMAZING.  He gives her a standing ovation.  Lauren grins.  For the first time tonight, she has a glint in her eye.
J Lo:  This was a tight race tonight, but with that song you might have won.
Steven: Blahblah I said you were it early on, so if you win, I'm the real winner blahblah

Seacrest: how are you feelin?
Lauren: I have a mom
Scotty walks on stage.  Seacrest asks the judges who's gonna win.

Randy: slight edge to Lauren
J Lo: I love them both, it's a tight race.  I want to say Scotty, because I'm no dummy, but his performance tonight was meh, so I'll just say it's a tight race.
Steven: Lauren gets it hands down

SHOW RECAP

Clips of Scotty and Lauren's three songs.  (Yes, now my TV is coming in awesome.  Perfect timing, no?)  They catch a screenshot of Lauren's face at the end of her third song, and she looks authentic

TOMORROW:" two hour, star-studded finale where we will crown our next American Idol"

OOH!  Special treat.  David Cook singing "Don't You Forget About Me".  This is surreal.  But it is exactly what it is.  He plays guitar, by which I mean there is a guitar hanging on him.  His singing is rough in the right-ish ways, polished.  I generally hate the time/s when OOH!  OLDIES SING!, but tonight, this is my favorite part of the show. Now, that might have something to do with me actually knowing the fucking song.  Maybe.

He sings over the credits.

This show was a total let down.  See ya for the results tomorrow.

The Glenn Beck Program, May 24 LIVEBLOG

This is me, typing while watching.  It will be messy.  I'm experimenting with a bigger idea, and this sort of thing (which I will continue during the much-easier-to-liveblog american idol tonight) is part of it.  I will spell things wrong.  Right now I can't pause the TV, so it will be choppy.  Hooha!

"Watch tomorrow's show" promoted in the beginning.  That's weird.

"We've never lived in a time like this."  Talk about father, grandfather.  Survival or death.  It's up to each of us as individuals, citizens to look around.

We're in a state of constant change.  Look back 100 years, you can see that change.  Go back 50 years.  Go back 10.  Go back 2.  (9/11, Obama.)  is that change moving us in a psoitive direction.  Are we more free or less free?  Who am I  what do I believe?  Am I willing to stand up for that.

Japan asks us to respect Pakistan's sovereignty.  Japan?  Criticizes US for publicly ripping on Pakistan after bin Laden.  We're losing allies, including Pakistan.  China is cozying up with Pakistan.  (me: was that China, not Japan, and I messed it up?)

California has a budget problem.  Cut inmates by 33,000.  Officials have 2 years to release on "get out of jail free" card.  Dirtbags should stay in jail.  "This is exactly what people like Van Jones has been waiting for."  Reminds us that VJ has been speaking in prisons, telling them that they are the entrepenours of the future.  Reminds us that bad leaders do this shit.  (me: Voldemort setting Death Eaters free, have them work for Dept of Ministry.)

Gas.  how's your pocketbook?  "The media is surprisingly tolerant."  The falling US dollar and QE drive up the price of gas.  The value of the unit of exchange is directly related to gas prices.  (He quotes a source for this.  It was a previous theory of his.)

Banks.  I missed a minute of it.  then, "Whatever happens will be quite disabling (in europe)" (quote from another source), after which money stuff took a dive.

"Let it be my tombstone" <-- Glenn says about his Caliphate theory.  ------- will work together to overturn stability.
2. Protests will become contagious.  They will spread to Europe and the rest of the world.

Obama seeks broader power to      wage war.  too broad, ambiguous, too vague.  also, war powers deadline has come and gone, obama hasn't been held accountable.

Fata, Hamas praising Russias role in reconcialation.  R working with Palestinians against Israel.  it's almost like the whole world is coming together for P state. Don't miss tomorrow.

Food.  prices will remain high and volatile.  the gauge of 8 commadites is 73% higher

World food production will have to grow a whole lot to feed whole world in future

Code pink heckled someone

Whether you're for them or against them, we're for and against everything you are.

Joe Biden didn't clap when netenyahu said a pro-Israel line.  shows footage.  (me: to be fair, maybe he was asleep.)

Cursings or Blessings, you must decide.  Last call, boys.  Who's on the side of good, who's on the side of evil?

The world is changing, but no one wants to talk about what it's changing into.  It is about to experience profound change. Those who stand together, arm in arm, will win.  Those who remain passive will get swept up.  The world is being divied up.  Gonna present a theory tonight, but remember, some of his theories come true.  esp in lst 6 months.

I am willing to listen to words of influential people, world leaders, and mad men and take them at their word.

Record from last 6 months.

By fall, stuff is getting dicey. And it's going to happen/start in the ME.  You gotta prepare yourself.

--- COMMERCIAL --

Record of last few months to establish pattern.
chalkboard list

economy.  clip.  11/15/2010, april 19.  devalue dollar, buy gold.  when beck started saying buy gold, it was $600/oz.  now $1520

prepare.  nov 11 2010 (i think).  clip.  list of stuff to gather up, like food.

july 19, 2010.  why doesn't obama care that republicans are taking the house?  'cos obama's gonna yoink tons of power.  "cass sunstein is in his dream job".  is this prediction right?  has anything passed in congress so far?  anything?  he doesn't care about congress. look at war powers act.  cass sunstien is powerful, so is his wife (who was excited about libya war)

jan 31, 2011.  tunisia is our arch duke ferdinand moment.  is the media saying arab snow is pure as snow?  yes.  they're fools.  he also said egypt was the keystone to the ME, and if it fell, other coiuntries would fall.  yep.  take the words of serious people seriously.

may 24 2010.  fall of russia wasn't a fall.  it was coordinated.  if we change our uniforms to a suit, we can have the same shit under a new system.

UBL (bin laden) could make things worse.  mentions china headline, greece is doing bad, europe headlines with money bad.  said earlier that israel is being set up.

beck's restoring courage tour.  eerie how it aligned with events.  (made decision abuot it days before israel was news.)  missed something else about israel.

pic of Famous Fabian Window shows madmen stoking the flames to heat the world and remake it in their hearts desire.  it is happening again. it will happen this summer.  at least, things will be rolling so fast, you won't be able to stop it.  you must get ready to stop it.  if you can accept the premise of this window, you can accept what's going on and see how to stop it.

-- COMMERCIAL -- i'm gonna look for a pic  link to that window.  (update: yay, got one.)
I really wish I had a DVR.  Beck often repeats himself and references previous shows, and he certainly has ideas that underscore everything (be prepared, where do you stand, shine a light, etc), but he rarely does a big summation like that one.  I can barely remember him showing clips of himself.  I only remember it a few times with the caliphate theory, and one other from very early on his show.  (pre-chalkboard.)

Back to Glenn!

dun dun den dun

These are the spoils that everyone's playing for -- point to chalkboard map.  So, who is playing?  Whose chips are in?  I contend the US being played, not playing.  Serious players: Soros, Russia, China, Islam.

new chalkboard.  shows player w cards.

SOROS.  ultimate capitalist.  wants to shut door on others.  he has called for a new world order ("open society") for years.  it only gets more greedy as you get closer to him.  man who "broke the bank of england." he has allies in governmentS, unions. he doesn't care about them, but he believes those are cards he needs to hold to win this hand.  he has said "u.s. biggest obstacle to a stable and just world order".  wants transformation of america.  is anyone reporting about this?  does anyone care?  america is the great last hope for the world.

he has the media, the radicals, communists, churchs.  he's a capitalist & godless.  what?? he's playing for the world

RUSSIA.  using communist countries like venezuela(?).  controlling oil, so they can control europe.  building oil pipelines thru europe.  building alliances with turkey, iran, venezuela, pakistan, libya, china.  China pledged to be a key partner with China.  what?  Russia and China (used to) hate each other.

---COMMERCIAL-- whew!  hard to type when he's on a chalkboard roll!  I don't know what it is about those chalkboards that I like.  I think there's something that feels more genuine about them.  As if the slick graphics somehow polish the news too much, like a reminder that the news (any news) is presented to you on a stage created by humans.  But, a chalkboard?  That's reserved for when an idea is SO fresh, new, LIGHTBULB that there's no! time! to create a graphic.  (Obviously Beck takes care with setting up his chalkboards, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them -- like the caliphate map -- are permanently shellacked or something.  Actually, they MUST be.  but he also writes on the chalkboards during the show.  I'm not saying that isn't planned.  I thnk it's coming back soon.

dun dun den dun.

Want to show you the world is being divied up, & who's in.  Poker game, winner take all.
recape soros is in charge.
russia.
china.  $, tech, resources. 1.4 billion people.  they have resources (bodies). that's my own commentary, the bodies

stability.  china doesn't like unstable, radical stuff.  soros is using unstable stuff but is a businessman and doesn't like radicals in the end.

soros is tied to islam thru business.

ISLAM.  cards: FAITH.  they believe in something.  soros & minions only believe in $.  faith trumps $.  russia has to have thugocracy in the end.  china is a thugocracy.

who gets control?

US isn't sitting at the table.  WE ARE A CARD, NOT A PLAYER.

if you don't think this has happened before, IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.  in 1918, we were china and england was us.

---------COMMERCIAL------------
I think my aha moment was that last bit, historical comparison to china.  I'm trying to imagine a bizarro world in which the U.S. did not enter the world stage during the World Wars (yet everything else turned out the same).  What would it be like to be our own bit player while the other people fight in the playground.  There's a comfort to that thought, actually.  Without the pressure to be world police, we get to be quiet and do our own shit.  of course, i am imagining that all the negative stuff wouldn't be there.  I have no idea what other world powers would impose upon this Bizarro U.S..

Back! radicalized Islam is the winner.  it might take us years to get there, but it will win in the end.  all of that stuff works, because most people will just take it.  not america.  we have a pioneer spirit.  that's what cass sunstien is attacking, the american spirit.

in the end, who wins?  money, no.  food and energy?  at first, but not the long haul.  not faith.  liberty & divine providence.  LITTLE GUY ALWAYS WIN.  goliath loses in the end, because arrogant.

all we need is a tree and a rake.  that's all we had when we brought down england.  hold on to the protection of divine providence.  we must lock arms this summer.

COMMERCIAL

Wait a minute, Beck.  What's the difference between Islamic faith and faith in your govt style and divine providence.  (note: must google divine providence to see if there's a facet i'm missing, ala "standard"/flag.)  Oh.  ohohohohoh.  american spirit. to an extent it's a lot of the obama rhetoric (rhetoric, not platform), but not everyone sees him as being sincere.  it's... i don't have the words.  It is what I love about this country.  It's the feeling I get in my chest when I think about the first constitutional convention.  It's -- oh shit -- it's randian.  It's a love of self   *pause*

BACK!  plug for glennbeck.com, reminder to do your own homework.  END

Finishing that thought about Rand...
It's not the individualist aspect of Rand's philosophies.  But there is a core of Rand that infuses the Founding Fathers.  (not directly, obviously.)  And it IS something that's being lost.  Pride in accomplishment.  Valuing production.  Like the toddler learning new things and glowing with excitement and pride in each step taken, the founding fathers fostered this new country, creating the "most perfect" recipe possible to allow men to govern themselves.  That's all they wanted -- to be free of the mess that government creates.  Give me Liberty or give me Death...  it's not "I really want Liberty, really really bad."  It's that all governments that deny liberty are equally bad, there is nothing without the ability to think and do and be without oppression.  Better to live sickly and in pain WITH liberty than to be healthy without it.  the concept of MINE, the concept of ME...  the libertarian values that have been demonized since the progressive awakening in the 20s...  I think I finally undersand what Beck means when he sayd that he doesn't know if he's ever experienced true freedom, liberty.  Dear god, what would it actually take to get back to a state where the collective American consciousness was tuned into "freedom" as defined at the turn of the century?  What would it take -- and what amazing stuff would we produce?

American Idol Finale, part one: pre-LIVEBLOG

I love hating American Idol.  I'll be watching the finale solo, so that means no one to snark with.  I don't like to send out lots of tweets, especially about AI.  I am going to type as I watch and see what happens.  There WILL be typos.  There WILL be bad jokes.  There WILL be long sentences that run on forever. There WILL be talk of Casey Abrams. (sigh.) And, of course, there WILL be snark. I'll try to update as I go, but otherwise it will be available after.  Enticing, no?

Take my hand, and let's jump into the abyss.

-------------------------------
But first!... Predictions.

the winner will be....
	Scotty McCreery
	Lauren Alaina
pollcode.com free polls

Getting set up.  Allergy meds are making me extra intense and nutty.  They're also making me crave my nicotine candy way more than usual, which sorta sucks.  Yay, candy -- but it's fuckin pricey candy.  And it makes my tongue hurt.

• Wine, check.
• Snacks, check.
• Setting up some tabs, including twitter.  Trying to decide if I want to follow #americanidol or -- the idol promoted -- #idolfinale.  (Trying not to pay attention to spoiler tweets of guest stars.)
• Wondering what the imdb equivalent for music is.  I bet I won't know any of the new artists.
• Realize that, historically, I really hate the finale.  As is the case with so many things, the third person out determines everything.  (Who were some other stunning third place people?  Melinda Doolittle.  I only remember her because she went to my college.  There were others I was rooting for.  Including a Rob -- not Boston Rob -- on Survivor.  SEE.  My allergy meds are makin me even nuttier than usual.  gah.)
• My foot's asleep.  Trying to find a seated/typing position that unsquishes my foot.
• The news is talking about tornadoes in Oklahoma City.  I wonder if Lauren will use that. Fuckin Lauren.
• I suppose I should open a tab for Idol and & youtube.  hrmph.

With 45 minutes to go, I think that I want to start a clean blog for the actual show.  Does that mean this whole post is a waste?

When I was watching the Private Practice finale, I had twitter going.  Madison's protests have gotten me tuned into twitter.  During that time, I watched the Oscars with twitter, and the snark was fabulous.  Ever since, I've been disappointed when I watch tv w twitter.  But I keep on trying.  So, Private Practice.  Someone tweeted "OMG did Pete just have a heart attack?".  I look up at the screen.  Pete is on the screen, perfectly healthy.  He bends over, shakes his arm.  He collapses to the floor, phone out of reach.  So that twitter person's tv was broadcasting 30 seconds ahead of mine.  What the hell?  I mean, I don't care that she saw Pete fall down before I did (if it were LOST, however...), but seriously?  That makes me wonder how the entire broadcasting system works.

Point being, I'm a little nervous about twitter.  But whatever.  I mean, we all know Scotty is gonna win, right? We know that Casey is dreamy and, given the endgame option, Scotty will win.  Which I don't understand, because I hate Scotty with a passion so intense that you'd think I secretly love him (which I don't!).  Man, the finale would be WAY  more interesting if James were in it.  I don't think I'll fully understand James's absence until he's really gone (e.g. the show tonight), so maybe it's a good thing that the finale is star-studded or whatever.  (Hey, anyone remember when Idol would do an episode where Simon and Seacrest visited starving children?  Whatever happened to that?  It was also star-studded, btw.  I'm not totally nutters from these allergy drugs.)

Five minutes to go.  I think I'll set up the LIVE!BLOG! now...

I wonder if I am setting this whole thing up to make the finale interesting and watchable.